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What Should I Do?!?

When my BF and I got together,I worked two jobs and was scraping by,miserably. He says he admired me for it. I told him right off that I would do anything to not have to work as much,because it was killing me with my bipolar disorder.(Bipolar is the only thing I have been diagnosed with so far,but It feels like something much much worse.) This condition makes it impossible for me to work any job in which I have to deal with the public in public places,about half the time,and it doesn’t give me more than about an hour’s notice to when I’m going to get that way. I’ve never kept a job more than 6 months because of it.
When I lost my second job, he said it was okay. He could handle my share of bills. When I lost my second job it was considered wrongful termination by the state,and he said as long as I could get unemployment we’d still be okay. It took a couple months, but I have unemployment now,and I am using the”time off”to clean for him,help him deal with his stresses,and most importantly,find free or low-income-oriented psychiatric help so I can get back on some ****** up experimental meds in the hopes of finding one that makes it so I can at least work again.(I had to stop meds before because the side effects made it way worse while having to work.) I am using the money to pay MY bills,including payments and insurance on a car that I drive him everywhere in because he doesn’t drive. So it’s basically like I have one job again,financially.
The money is not enough to pay my share of rent,and though I’d be happy living in my old place,an RV,he needs to live in a $700-a-month apartment. Every roommate we’ve had has flaked on the bills and now we’re alone again and things are tight. I pay my bills, he pays his and rent and the occasional movie or video game with his $10-an-hour job. We agreed that if I ever have any extra leftover from unemployment I would give it to him,but with food,I never do.
Now I got some Christmas money from my family,about $150. They all live very far away,but when I was with them we would always go shopping together for Christmas presents,even when I lived on my own because they knew that if they gave me money and not presents I would spend it on bills. My family and I agreed that after I moved here none of us would ever spend present money on bills; the only reason we don’t have actual presents is because we can’t afford to have them shipped,and plus it’s always”you were doing okay before without the money so spend it on presents for you!”. I even am obligated to call or write them to tell them what nice things I spent it on. But this,for some reason,just pisses my BF off! His family never gets him anything,not even for his birthday,and it has come up in many a nasty arguement that he thinks I should give my Christmas money to him for bills. My question is: What should I do? Should I break my family’s only Christmas”tradition”and recieve a lovely guilt trip from them about it,just to barely help with bills? What am I supposed to do when every time I start thinking about what they would have bought me if they were here,what to spend it on,he gets furiously angry and calls me,of all things,spoiled? I haven’t bought a single thing for me since my birthday,6 months ago,and it was the same deal then too. I can’t decide, am I wrong for wanting to?

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Technorati Tags: Should, What

Tags: Should, What

2 Comments to What Should I Do?!?

1. 

   First off – don’t denigrate yourself: “Bipolar is the only thing I have been diagnosed with so far, but It feels like something much much worse”
   That can be totally debilitating. Are you getting support from your B/f in coping with it?
   If he is not supportive, find your own space and learn to love yourself. Anything else you’ve said are just symptoms.
skipper_ on February 2nd, 2010
2. 

   can u summarize this in jee i dunno…less than a college analysis research essay
FACK on February 2nd, 2010

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